Trying to sit did hurt. I couldn’t go down the stairs, not even sliding down on the handrails. But going to class in a wheelchair was not an option. “Out of the question”, I screamed at my mother. She and my dad were very sad but also relieved that I was alive. Cause one of their daughters, that’s me, had fallen from a tree. Not like the apple that only bruised from falling down. I wasn’t an apple…..more like a big potatoesack that almost splattered into (s)mashed potatoes. It wasn’t far but it was high enough to drop down into a coma.
I should have been dead. But the reason that I was still alive was cause I landed on my back, and I was relaxed. The doctors were surprised I was relaxed, but I relax when I experience free fall. “As high as third flour”, I told my friends. Which was also true because the neighbour of the third flour, had seen me fall down passed her balcony.
Can you imagine? You’re watching TV and then you see a kid fall down passed your window and you realize that you’re living on the third flour. I hate myself for that. Poor woman. I had traumatized her for life.
Orange carnation flowers
When I was in a coma, my neighbour visited me the first week. I saw her but I could not respond. It was as if I was half a sleep, cause I could not move, but I could see and hear her. I saw her standing at the end of my bed with a large bunch of orange carnation flowers, I could smell the sweetness. I loved the smell, it was enchanted. I felt good, smelling those flowers. These were my grandmothers favorites and I like them too. I tried to smile but I couldn’t.
My crying neighbour
Her blond curly hair was tangled and stuck to her forehead, her cheeks were wet of tears. Her nose was red and snot was sticking to her lower lip and chin. Her eyes had thick black edges. And she cried hard, with fits and falls. With every cry and sniff, her entire body shook. Every time she looked at me, she cried. My uncle supported her to stand, cause she almost fainted. She looked exhausted and it was all my fault. I wanted to say I was sorry. In my head I said everything, but it didn’t matter. I couldn’t move and my eyes were half closed. I was stuck in my body, I had to wake up. And soon, cause I knew the longer it took, the harder it would get to wake up.
Hear and see everything
I could hear everything and everyone. My nurse – because after a few days I understood that she was my nurse – she told about her children. Let’s call her Emy, it’s not her real name, but for now her name’s Emy. She told me about her children. She has a son and a daughter. Both my age, and they were smart and went to school.
Emy encouraged me every day. I had to make myself strong and wake myself up, for my mom, dad, my twin sister and little sister. But I didn’t know how. Emy kept talking to me and I loved her for that. I was so lonely on my bed in the hospital, even though I had a lot of visitors every day, Emy was the only one who could reach me. By telling stories about her children and before going to sleep. Her hard work and her patience, she was the reason that I could wake up. For all I know, she saved me from that hospital bed. She is a super nurse! She was MY super nurse, she was and still is, my hero.
Thank you Emy, lots of love Suzanna
To be continued